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Funny Quotes
Posted on: 05-26-2009 @ 09:23 am
 

  I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I’m thinking, okay, here’s a gal who’s capable of making a decision she’ll regret in the future. (Richard Jeni)I worked some gigs in the Deep South…Alabama…You talk about Darwin’s waiting room. There are guys in Alabama who are their own father. (Dennis Miller) I went to a fight the other night and a hockey game broke out. (Rodney Dangerfield)L.A. is so celebrity-conscious, there's a restaurant that only serves Jack Nicholson -- and when he shows up, they tell him there'll be a ten-minute wait. (Bill Maher) Funny Quotes. Sayings. Quotations.I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land. (Jon Stewart)There’s always one of my uncles who watches a boxing match with me and says "Sure. Ten million dollars. You know, for that kind of money, I’d fight him." As if someone is going to pay $200 a ticket to see a 57-year-old carpet salesman get hit in the face once and cry. (Larry Miller)If I ever have twins, I'd use one for parts. (Steven Wright)My wife and I took out life insurance policies on each other -- so now it's just a waiting game. (Bill Dwyer) Famous QuotesMy sister was with two men in one night. She could hardly walk after that. Can you imagine? Two dinners! (Sarah Silverman)I know a guy who called up the Home Shopping Network. They said "Can I help you?" and he said "No, I'm just looking." (George Miller)I knew these Siamese twins. They moved to England, so the other one could drive. (Steven Wright)A father is explaining ethics to his son, who is about to go into business. "Suppose a woman comes in and orders a hundred dollars worth of material. You wrap it up, and you give it to her. She pays you with a $100 bill. But as she goes out the door you realize she’s given you two $100 bills. Now, here’s where the ethics come in: should you or should you not tell your partner?" (Henny Youngman)filipina hostage taker  


Last updated on 05-26-2009 @ 09:23 am


 
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